Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
