On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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