What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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