You just made me feel so damn special
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
