Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
