If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
