I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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