I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
