Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
