Can Purell be used as lube?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
