I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize