Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
