yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
