we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
