I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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