don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
