make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize