She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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