I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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