My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
