u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need to calm my uterus...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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