do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize