He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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