I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The air taste purple.
Randomize
