I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
