i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
