when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize