My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
