hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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