Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
