I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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