At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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