i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
