lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
