My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
