I wanna bring you to show and tell
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
