u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
