Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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