oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sarcasm needs its own font
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
