sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
