I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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