there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
