you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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