The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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