Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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