My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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