We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
