Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize