I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
