Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
