I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
