Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
