sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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