Quick, to the slutcave!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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