Got a toothbrush?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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