Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
