the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
