i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
