i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize