Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize