It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just had sex on a roof
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
